June Update: The Living Stuff

I’ve now been in Tanzania for nine months – almost a year. That’s absolutely unbelievable – it doesn’t feel at all like nine months since I said goodbye to family, friends and every other comfort I’d known to come to this world of strange people, strange languages, strange customs and strange lots of other things.

As much as I feel like I’ve grown accustomed to being here, it’s still surreal when I stop to think about where I am and what I’m doing. When I sent in my initial Peace Corps application nearly two years ago, over a year out of college and working a job that doesn’t require a high school diploma, I was stuck at a frustrating juncture (despite loving the people I worked with) and uncertain how to move forward. Even after I’d accepted my invitation and knew where I was going, I had doubts as to whether or not I would be effective (given that I was supposed to teach health with an English degree).

But here I am. Now, nine months after the goodbye( for now)s in Columbus and the hellos in Philly and six months after the stress test in Muheza, I’m sitting lazily in my dusty, rural Tanzanian house on an introspective quest to figure out what my time here has changed about me – preferably before my laptop battery runs out. Why am I on this quest? Because I need something to do while I wait for my pizza dough to rise. Yeah, that’s right, I’m making pizza from scratch. Four years at Pizza Hut in the States and I had no idea until I came here how to make pizza from scratch. No mas; check that off the list; I make the best pizza for a hundred miles (mostly because I make the only pizza for a hundred miles).

Although baking is a pretty common Volunteer hobby, I never thought I’d pick it up. But I finished the PataPata sessions two weeks ago and that took a big chunk out of my schedule. I’ve lost a considerable amount of weight, and dedicating some time to making food means I also get to dedicate time to eating it. Not bad. Also, delicious.

Pizza.

Finding ways to kill time is still the big challenge. Not so much finding ways to fill the day, but finding ways to use time effectively to accomplish what I want to get done within the timeframe I’ve given myself. The days are still long (well, not so much – it’s technically winter here), but because getting anything done requires a bigger time commitment than in the States. Washing dishes, doing laundry, sweeping, cooking, bathing and other everyday things are much less convenient than back home. Getting anything done with teaching usually requires half a day, and more time is spent waiting for people to show up to village meetings than at the meetings themselves.

Jiko oven.

But while I would have complained about the inconveniences nine months ago, I realize how very much accustomed to them I’ve become in the time since. That is to say, they’re no longer inconveniences; you guys in the developed world are the weird ones. Washing clothes means me washing clothes. It means an hour soaking dirty clothes in soapy water and ringing them out twice, then soaking them in clean water and hanging them on a line. My homestay mama would be so proud. The idea of using a washer and dryer is completely foreign to me at this point – press a button and then what? Wait? Poppycock!

Shower.

I do dishes by hand, sweep using something called a broom, Gerry-rig an oven when I want to bake, bathe on less than three liters a day (thanks to my handy-dandy hole-in-the-cup method for conserving water), sleep under a mosquito net and, rather than freak out when I realize there are literally ants in my pants because they got on my clothesline, I just sigh and keep typing (as I am now). Also, I love my housebat.  And none of these things seems unusual anymore.

Housebat.

The biggest challenge when it comes to time is finding an equilibrium that isn’t overwhelming. When I first got to site, my biggest concern was worry over whether or not I was being productive for my village; now I’m just trying to make sure I don’t overwork myself. The goal with PataPata was to design and teach a lesson every possible school day (fortunately, a good bit of each lesson was already designed by Johns Hopkins). For a couple weeks in mid-May, my days consisted of either traveling to nearby villages (or the neighboring ward) or teaching at the zahanati in the mornings, then teaching PataPata in the afternoons, then putting together the next day’s PataPata that night, all while trying to ask questions about and negotiate the budget for the market project. And don’t forget teaching English on a (currently) irregular basis. I wouldn’t say it was overwhelming, but I didn’t leave much time for myself and it was a particularly stressful period; it certainly isn’t a pace I could maintain for the remainder of my two years. So now I’m allowing more time for myself, thanks to baking. (I also plan to read more, relearn German and teach myself French, thanks to my new library of Spark Charts.)

Time aside, the biggest overall challenge I’m probably facing at the moment is a growing lack of patience. Highs and lows are normal and surprisingly predictable – they gave us charts at PST and IST showing where we’d be at what point – and as it happens I find myself in the middle of what is probably an emotional low. On a day-to-day basis I feel perfectly fine, but I’ve noticed that I become easily agitated and increasingly impatient (actually, I’m always impatient, but in this case to the point of being unjust), usually measured by how frequent I reach for the iPod to block the world out. A trip to town with other Volunteers usually involves hours-long vent sessions about petty things – or perhaps things that really deserve to be criticized, but still bring me down because of the negativity (that I myself am contributing to). I have failed miserably to see the cup as half full for the last month or so, and while I’m not going to kick myself too hard for it, I do plan on putting a little more effort into the positive spin.

So there’s some rambling for you. A little bit of everything: the good, the bad and the ugly; not in that order.

Before I close up, a few more things:

First and foremost: Mother’s Day was between this and my last post, and Father’s Day is in a couple days, so I’d like to say (here come the adjectives)…

My beautiful, loving, wonderful mother, Tonia, is approximately five-feet, short-inches tall, but she’s one of the strongest people on the planet. Life has confronted her with some of the toughest trials anyone should never have to face and through it all she has never been anything less than the consummate role model for my sister and undeserving me. I don’t know how you do it; I love you Mom!

My beautiful, loving, wonderful step-mother, Natalie, is a mother to me – “step” nothing. She put up with an ungrateful brat of a me from an early age and has been an unwavering source of support ever since. Thanks for being there for me and for being a most worthy best friend to Dad; I love you Nat!

My incredible, loving, wonderful father, Jack, is a consummate symbol of hard work, humility and sacrifice. He put his goal of becoming a firefighter on hold to work at a Honda plant an hour away to support my sister and I, and then gave that job up to be near us. He gave up his dream, but became my hero. If I’m ever half the man you are, I’ll be blessed; I love you Dad!

My incredible, loving, wonderful step-father, Tom, is on his second Father’s Day with me and I can’t wait for the many more that are to come! He is one of the friendliest and most supportive people I know. I can’t imagine a more worthy best friend for my mother. I now know how Mom does it; I love you Tom!

I joined Peace Corps because I believe that sacrifice is the greatest human quality. All four of my parents taught me, not just explicitly but through their actions, that to give of yourself for the benefit of others is the greatest act a person can commit. I’m not sure I believe in altruism, but sacrifice is as close as it gets. I am incredibly blessed to have such roles models as I do. I love you guys!

Finally, one more thing: a big thanks to parents and friends (including the Duck Police and the Pizza Hut crew) for the packages and letters! I read them all and they’re deeply appreciated. Hoping to reply soon!

Until next time, tutakutana siku nyingine.